Numbing depths.

Hear me from the depths of my despair... See my screams in the middle of my mind... In the bottomless pits LORD can you see me.

She stares into the sky, begging, pleading for an answer... She is fighting for YOU and wondering do YOU care anymore...

Her heart is breaking she has begged for forgiveness everyday but LORD is there no relief? Is there no end to the abyss that surrounds my mind.

I have read YOUR word LORD, over and over I have internalized the words that say "he who faints in the day of adversity is weak." But CHRIST, YOU promised to help me. Can you see me?

Is the abyss so dark so dreary, can no sunshine break through? Is there no hope for me. She is trying LORD, help her.

Is there no words of relief? Is there no help for the pain? Is there no balm for my wounds?

I cry and scream, my mind is in need of change. LORD help me. Forgive me, help her, see me, hear her... LORD, save me from myself...

**Abyss**

Abyss beckons my heart hither, threatening to caress my carefully constructed smile into ashes. This is not an unfamiliar place; it is possibly all too familiar, too close for comfort, too comfortingly close.

Abyss reels me in, searing my vibrant manic mind from its scenic colours observing the rainbows in life and showing my the dark rivets and lesions in my fractured mind. Showing me the unsavoury succulent seducing tears held in a numbened state of mind.

Abyss says my name eerily, yet hard as i try my effort against this darkness seems inane to its robust efforts at shutting my mind in a constant state of tumult.

Abyss is tenacious in its efforts to re-create a broken corpse.

The rapids of my descent quicken their steps. The rapids find me unprepared and seemingly unfitted with battle attire. Abyss takes advantage of this state of disarray to begin to espouse its deep seated darkness and my despair. It weaves a tapestry of my regret mirroring my shame and displaying my fear.

Abyss and oblivion, words i have etched and carved out of me; words that mar my skin with its vicious tenacity in tattoing its frame on my exterior.

My scars burn with desire, they burn with yearning as a man yearns to ravish his groin. So my scars scream their need to be satisfied...

Abyss will not rule my mind nor heart, you will not win this war. The stage is set and regardless of my ill prepared war attire, fallen drumset and dusty horn. Regardless of my failing sight and my imbued scars: this war is a war to be worn. I will not loose my mind, i will not loose the very fabric of reality and life I cling to....

Abyss your threats do me no harm; my fears will not feed your hunger, my tears will not kiss your lips, my heart will not bend and break, my will-restored to fight-will hold steadfast to what it knows, the light it knows.

Abyss, with renewed clarity my feet will not leave the ground, my mind will not succum to the pained numbness... My eyes will not dance to the music of your deathsong...

Abyss, i will fight to stay alive: this time i have cause and reason to live. Your unrighteous, unholy and unbidded lustful ways with razors and dreams, your tango with a numb interior, your sweet chastising fear, your innuendo's with pouring blood and your insatiable need for sorrow and abyss: will not rule my life.

You are not my abyss, you are a distant memory a forgotten and unwanted loss. You are lost to me...

Staring at the mirror mentally seeing the razor split open sacred and Holy flesh.... CHRIST, this is my cry for help.... Stop me before i kill her...someone anyone see this plea....

Someone see me....

Help me find my way back to the light....

Stop me before the asylum seekers find the rotting stench of pain and abyss...

Sticks and stones…

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.


Sweet sensual lies you spill out of your luscious soft succulent lips, lies begotten from truth: woven into the matrix of my mind.

Your savoury words crotched with expert skills-man-ship; adorn each and every one of your smiles.

Speaking with fervour, unaware of the damage you caress with the words you spew tenderly and harmoniously into my memory.

So I shut my heart to your words and close my tears to this pain: words, beautiful and woven as a gossamer in the spring, words torn from the sky painted with your scarlet broken voice, words written with the blood of your lust.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.



Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.

With my dignity left on my backside underneath your words; my love left tucked in your blue sheets wrapped in the black smock of your oblivion.

Maybe my prying eyes and curious heart got the best of me; maybe I was too unashamed to look for reasons of your imminent escape. Tell me what it is, what cause have I had on the effect of my thriving love.

Is it my gentle caress of your future dreams, my constant need for your attention, my impatience with your inadequate responses? Tell me what has my affection has done to your love? Has it smothered all we have, have I smothered my dignity with your sheets, drowned your fears with my selfish tears. Tell me what I need to change, tell me what needs to be said: what do I need to do to renegotiate the heartbeat that was mine back into rhythm? My rhythm?

Or should I stop thinking much of what we have, shut my heart to the torment, turn my pieces on my back let you take what you need and forget how to feel? All the love I have to give falls on deaf ears; falls on a blind heart.

So I will lock my love in a bottomless pit, undefined and unfelt. I will not show emotion not today or tomorrow because it holds no respite for the pain you show. I refuse to love if it hurts, I refuse to feel warm if its effect is caustic, I refuse to let you see my soul as I have before because you see seriousness rather than me; rather than my love for you.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words shatter my soul.





...Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, your words mar my soul...



LIst3n to your WaR s0ng...

Listen.




Listen to the voice inside, listen with your heart to a silence I can no longer contain.



Listen to the slow melodic tune, the ferocious drumming beat inside the vessel.



Listen to the secret story of your words in my mind.







Listen to the increase in tempo,



Listen to the slow swaying of my movement to your beat.



Listen to the thumping of your footsteps on my heart.



Listen in silence to the noise you create.







Listen to the fury of these beats,



The onomatopoeic sweet serenade of your love inside me.



Listen to the victory dance your smile ululates to in my mind.



Listen to the silent war song you whisper with your eyes…







Listen to the flowing fountain of your gentle touch healing my open wounds,



Listen to the flow of the current through me,



Listen to my prayer for you every day asking for you to be the perfect one.



Listen to the flow, the flow of your love through me.







Listen to your war song causing triumph in me.



Listen to your war song singing melodies in the words I speak.



Listen to your war song cascade through my actions.



Listen, listen to, listen to your, listen to your war song in my heart.


LORD tell me if the words I hear are words true to the promise you have instore for me...

Listen.

Listening to my heart...

Loving a memory....

Forlorn, cold, shivering. She sat on the pavement bewildered by the most perplexing thought...
"How could she have loved a memory..."
Looking to the heavens beseeching mercy's ear she prays for an answer...

Taunted, haunted, saddened. She peers inside her mind looking for the love begot....
"Why did you come into my iridescent thoughts?"
Looking far beyond the sky, with crystal tears she prays for an answer...

Shattered, broken, alone. She lifts her heart to HIS feet searching for some pain relief, a new train of thought....
"Why did you come back? Why won't my heart let you be...."
Looking to the scarred skyline of her heart, with arms stretched to touch JESUS, she sobs for mercy...

With a broken smile and beautiful memories, she stands on the grave of your love and kisses your lips to heaven. With the last of her will and strength she begs for mercy, she cries out for pity...she beseeches you not to forget her LORD... love this lowly girl....

LORD; broken on the pavement of the broken road her life is, with a faint and emotive voice she sighs out to YOU LORD...

"Let him not break me again...let me let YOU take control...let me let YOU have your way..."

"LORD, let me have a whole heart...not bits and pieces like a vagabond with no direction..."

so she sits on the pavement, loving your memory...waiting for relief from heaven...

hanging on to words she remembers etched deeply in her mind... Jeremiah 29:11...

Dear friend:

Dear Friend:

I pen my thoughts to YOU at this perplexing time of the night,

My unconscious reality refuses to grant me flight.

So with the cursor of my pent up dreams I write to YOU,

But my words have cursed my mind into a state of coup.

Seeking to start my words with sentences poignant with meaning,

All that comes up is; meaningless careening…

Thoughts that flow ceasing less

But still I cannot find the depth or meaning

In each beautiful digress

Still my thoughts are stunted.

Dear friend:

These are the vibrations of a stunted poet,

Poetically signed by an audacious author;

These are the rhythms of my mental incapacity,

The emotions of my essence:

Unfeigned truth of my stunted thoughts…

Dear friend:

I got up again,

Today I still can’t find words to put to work,

Words to emote my desires,

Release my captive imagination:

Words to serenade my silent heart,

Words to remind me of GOD’s unfailing love,

I can’t find words…

Dear friend:

Give me words…

That’s all I pray, for I realize my feeble attempts at writing my own song

Serve me greater distress than I have known…

Give me words that speak of YOUR heavenly love,

Dear JESUS:

Show me how to write,

Hide me behind every word and let YOUR glory shine,

Let my words speak YOUR beautiful love to the hearts;

The hearts of the weary, the broken, the feebly strong,

The proud and the humble:

JESUS, use my words to minister to every heart.

On my own, they are just meaningless vibrations of human expectations,

With YOUR own artistic excellence,

These words are; hope to a heart, balm to the wound,

Love to the broken, salvation to the world…

In JESUS precious name I pray, AMEN…

Dear JESUS:

Thank you for the words…

Words....*

We are making a mark!!!*

HE wants it all....*