......S33.....*

Sitting at this corner of your room looking out to through the window...i wonder when it all stopped making sense...i wonder why i let the walls i had taken years to build break....

I look at you...but you never see...i break with every thought...but then again that could just be the bipolar talking not me....I'm trying not to sink...

you look at me and see selfishness...i look at me and i cant stand the person staring back at me....i hate her...but you love her...

Am patiently waiting for you to learn to hate me in every small way...the point when i seem to make less sense to you rather i irritate you..

rather than you finding peace with me... I only irrigate your anger....flourish your hatred...the putrid person i am you will hate....

Sometimes i wanna just make it clear its not my fault rather its just that i have no more lithium.....I'm not trying to be someone am not...am just trying not to relive the past...i don't wanna sink as far as i did...

When there's a full moon in my eyes...there's clouds beneath yours....i try and find a way to crack the shell but you have vaults all over...

Am not a locksmith but i wonder if i even have the key to your front door??

You try and explain the term friendship and we are both looking for imperfect ideals even though we emulate a perfect picture...respecting the worlds view of our happiness what about our own??

Am not perfect.... I have major flaws..I am indecent incandescent....I am the girl at the corner of the road broken in pieces...with my smile being dragged behind my shadow....

You will learn that am not ordinary, the facade that we throw on to mask our true selves wears thin after a while... There's only so much you can try to be....there's so much that i am not....

even though you deny it...i make comparisons.... "Coulda been's, woulda work'd, almost hapn'd, past mistakes...past truths..." all of them compared to the girl looking back at me in the mirror are all way much more...

i see the scars on me and i think there's no point in trying to keep from the blade...... I see how u look at them and you have the look of disgust and disgrace....my pedestal is on ground level in comparison to the rest... I have no meaning...not when all the rest have pedestals closer to heaven....

My scars tell stories...probably much more than you will ever know or care to understand.....

The mirror is my worst enemy...it screams at me every morning..."ugly" even when you think i like how i look...you never see past the mystery these broken eyes hold.....

Like glass on a mantle piece...like a flower in a tilted vase....i sit. i perch myself.....i need no help when am crying and reaching out for you...

When i fall to the floor JESUS will not let me....


Am not a diamond...am not even a shiny stone...am just the speck of mud on your boot you wipe away with disgust...

Look at me...no....See me...and you'll realize you have and are wasting your time.....

*..............Br0k3n c0rps3........*

CUT CUT CUT CUT.....




bLEEEEDING TOOO MUCH.......*

i JUSt miGht

We are making a mark!!!*

....*....open FIELd*.....

When we remain stagnant in one place too long we forget the meaning that that place held in the first place.....We look through the silhouette of translucent glass into the open fields of our minds...trying to find serenity in places that we honestly don't need....

You know that people are just human robots at times....devoid of emotion walking about their daily lives...

So lets look into our minds and find meaning of that place we have come to stagnate in....

lets see the lilies in the fictitious pond before us....lets find the horizon's rainbow and follow it all the way to the pot of gold....lets not loose ourselves....CHRIST paid too high a price for us too be lost

......She is not just a girl with scars on the back of her hands....she isn't just another face in your silly crowd....she is not just another girl you can break....she isn't another "almost-adult" lover you can toy with.....She has a heart a delicate one at that....Don't toy with strings you can't fix or play....

Don't break her just because you think its okay....

Don't look at her and think......

Just because you had your way with her you can do it all over again....and this time you take it all away...
don't lie to her there's a possibility of something when you know that its just a matter of time....

Don't take the distance and lie to her it will all be okay....the commitment is too large...the love is it strong enough???

Can you honestly let her get on that plane and say goodbye and think for 13hours she will sit still?? her eyes will burn with the love she cries...her heart will be left on that runway...and you will walk back into desolation....Home will hold no meaning....substance or feeling....

So you'll sit there crying on the sofa...asking y???

Thinking of how to end all the heartache....

Hun, you'll walk into a new life and feel the disconnect....you'll see the world and wanna run back into your comfort cocoon...where the caterpillar you are doesn't wanna grow wings....where the shelter you have over your head has you covered tightly....where you know there is no chance of a wingspan.....but hunny thats all an open field in your mind....its all fictitious....reality has your name stamped.....its calling you to greater heights....just spread your wings and feel the breeze...*

When he doesn't call you...your in tears...when he says all the right things you say you don't deserve it.....when your happy you wanna cry...when he really cares your confused....when you love it hurts....GOD made love...HE is LOVE.....*

But you know the pain behind that love.....you know that the tears stung more than just your cheeks...you know the food you ate was not for you...but so he could think of you as her....you are you...beautiful look in the mirror walk in that field and see....see what i see...what we all see.....you deserve much better...you deserve life....

See the figments and fragments...pieces and puzzles....promises and pauses....hesitation and declarations....see through that translucent glass...see behind the pained Polaroid....

see your heart...and mine....his and hers....its all an enigma of trailing thoughts....the human life all wrapped up in theories of what we think is that should have been....

Pause.....

rewind.....

Fast forwaRd....

Time.....

ZoOm....

PresS

STOP................

*Bl.oNdi.3 PaCt*

We are making a mark!!!